Goofy Church Stuff

Negative Portrayal of Evangelicals

2011-11-01T13:15:00.000-07:00

I just watched another of the fictional TV shows that come down hard on Evangelical Christians.
They are painted as dangerous fanatics, hipocritical con artists, or well-meaning fools. I resent that. I am NOT in the Evangelical fold but I know a great many who are. Most are worthy of my respect, some deserve my admiration.

Schuller's sad saga

2010-11-29T03:50:00.000-08:00

Robert Schuller came along with the right idea at the right time and place. His California drive-in church grew into a famous mega-church. It worked.. That was then, this is now. Times changed and he didn't. The once cutting edge Crystal Cathedral has become a dull blade, beset with family squabbles and a million dollar debt, yet still convinced that "possibility thinking" will heal it.

Spring Lake Church Does it Again

2010-06-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

A big church in the West Michigan village of Spring Lake seems bent (I resist saying hell-bent) on making news. Christ Community Church, once a member of the Reformed Church in America, is no more. They took down their 65 foot cross and changed their name to 3C Exchange. They are thinking of putting a heart, a globe and the word “exchange” on the wall where the cross used to be. It would be a symbol of one love for all people. The church, loved by religious Liberals and condemned to hell by Evangelicals, is on Exchange Street and it's promoted as a haven for the exchange of diverse ideas. Back in 1996, when they split from the parent denomination over theological and social issues and had a big fuss about who owns the church property, they made national headlines. The then pastor was censured as a heretic. The story was covered by the New York Times, quoting a denominational official as saying "the meeting ran amok" and order collapsed as other ministers charged into the debate.
If anybody cares, I'm not in either camp, Liberal or Evangelical, but someplace between those poles and always a fascinated observer of church goofiness wherever it appears. Liberals believe the whole religion thing is a man made fairy tale but they go to church anyway just for the hell of it. Evangelicals believe the Bible is literally true except for the parts they don't agree with.
This latest goofiness appears to be Spring Lake, Michgan's claim to fame. It looks like the Spring Lakers need something to get excited about. They had to cancel their July village council meeting because there were not enough items on the agenda to meet about.

Hugging in Church

2010-06-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

I guess hugging in church can be a heavenly, spiritual experience.
Or it can get you in a whole lot of hellish earthly trouble.

The Church of Clifton

2010-04-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

I think I will get me one of those ten dollar online ordinations and start my own church. Building a congregation of adoring fans will be a snap. All it takes is a "seeker sensitive service." P. T. Barnum was right, there's a seeker born every minute.

James Dobson

2010-04-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

James Dobson, the Christian Psychologist, say some OK stuff when he doesn't go way off the deep end on the Right. But if he wants to preach, let him get ordained and call himself Reverend. He did say a pretty wise thing to a woman about to marry a seldom-talking introvert. Don't do it and try to change him. He is what he is. I like that.

The Bishop and I

2010-04-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

Bishop John Spong is full of it and full of himself. But so am I. We share that. He is famous. I am not.

Hipper Handles for Churches!

2010-04-06T04:51:00.000-07:00

Just when you think church stuff is as goofy as it can get, new heights (or depths) of goofiness pop up. The former New Life Church, in a rural township not far from here, decided it needed a "hipper handle" to attract young customers, compete with other churches and eliminate any appearance of being an "old, stuffy,fuddy duddy" congregation. "New Life" is getting old and lots of churches are using it. So that newly hip church shall henceforth be ... are you ready for this? .the point. That's right. "dot, the point." All lower case. Oh boy, how contemporary can you get. The associate pastor says the new handle is a visual metaphor.
Just around the corner from me is what used to be a Baptist Church. Now it's The Bridge Bible Church. I suppose "bridge" is a twenty-first century updating of what we fuddy duddys called reconciliation. Or that totally archaic word from your great grandpappy's church, "propitiation."
Does the plural of "duddy" become "duddies?" I will ask someone from .the point. I'm sure they have a grammatically and theologically hip answer.

Glenn WHO?

2010-03-22T03:30:00.000-07:00

I am no follower of Glenn Beck. I took a dim view of social action churches before I ever heard of him. Why? Simple. I don't want church or clergy telling me who to vote for or what socio-political issues I should care about. I don't want sermons, either pro or con, right or left, about rights issues, abortion,environment, health care, economy, etc. etc. I'm capable of making up my own mind about all that, thank you. I am so old fashioned and out of touch that I actually want to hear clergy talk about God. I don't even mind if they mention Jesus once in a while.

Here's where I am

2010-03-11T03:49:00.000-08:00

I doubt that anybody gives a rodent's rear about where I am on church stuff. Should there be such a one someplace, it's pretty simple. I remain a most interested, maybe even fascinated observer of what's happening in the churches ... all of them ... but I feel no need to be an active participant in any of them.

New Word for God?

2010-03-04T04:35:00.000-08:00

Give me a break! What most bugs me about John Spong and his followers: The idea that those goofy questions and his answers are some hot, new, cutting edge thinking. We have been searching for new ways to talk about religion as long as language has existed.

Buddhist Joke

2010-02-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

From Garrison Keillor's religious jokes: What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything." Get it??

Are sin and guilt all bad?

2010-02-11T05:31:00.000-08:00

For a long time I was very involved in one of those churches that doesn't believe in sin and guilt, heavily populated by escapees from churches that piled it on and made them feel lousy. I never quite bought deleting all reference to sin and guilt. Seems like a little guilt is good for you if it keeps you from making the same destructive mistakes over and over.

Religious Jokes

2010-02-09T05:24:00.000-08:00

Mr. Keillor might have been replaced by David Sedaris as America's greatest humorist but the aging guy from Lake Wobegon with the face made for radio reigns as our finest religious humorist. He gets away with things on Public Radio that would get him kicked off of commercial media. I love it. From one of his early annual joke shows: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian? Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no particular reason." "As nervous as a Christian Scientist with appendicitis." I got in trouble when I quoted that one in my column in a local paper. A member of that body was not amused, said followers of Mrs. Eddy do not get nervous about things like that.

Church Words

2010-02-07T08:04:00.000-08:00

I love church words. They give people with too much time on their hands something to fuss about. OK,let's say we take friend Dadderzvan's thought and just call each other brothers and sisters rather than some denominational label. Oops, did I just hear, "Wait a minute. 'Sisters' has to come first because the church has been so unfair to women." Here we go again.

More about the D Word

2010-02-07T05:55:00.000-08:00

Maybe another reason why denominations have fallen into disfavor is the mistaken notion that they stand for narrow, exclusivist provincialism, a bad thing in today's interfaith world. Oh yeah, there's plenty of that. But most of the so called mainline churches were never like that. I grew up a Methodist, never heard a preacher say we had the only right answers, and we were one of the first to merge with other groups and become the United Methodist Church.

The Dreaded "D" Word

2010-02-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

Denomination has become a dirty word. Everybody wants to go to a non-denominational church. A new one pops up every day, competing for customers. I guess that's because the "D" word equals tradition and that's not a popular word, either. Sounds too much like your grandfather's church. Which leaves old grandpappy with no place to go. I remember when we cherished the particular church group we "belonged" to. That's another dirty word. You don't join a church and become a committed member. You're a congregant, part of the audience. Sorry to sound like such an old fart. We are what we are.

Those Modern Lutherans

2009-12-24T08:15:00.000-08:00

Garrison Keillor has a wonderful understanding of traditional mid-American church folks and their difficulty dealing with change. He took a delicious poke at those Florida Churches where they no longer sing the Lutheran theme song, "A Mighty Fortress is our God."
Down there, "They use a little skinny Bible. They took out all the discouraging parts. God is your best friend, Jesus is your boyfriend and whatever you need, you got it."

Christmas myth, tradition

2009-12-24T06:27:00.000-08:00

I am equally uncomfortable with fundamentalists who insist that every word of the Bible is literally true and the "reverse fundamentalists" who stay away from church because it's all a man-made fairy tale. Christmas is a time to turn off your intellect and appreciate the beauty of tradition and myth. I believe in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny and Columbus but I'm not sure about Toledo. You won't get that unless you are a Stan Freberg fan.

Passing of the Peace

2009-12-20T05:01:00.000-08:00

Being introverted, hung-up and not very sociable, I am not comfortable when the passing of the peace in church turns into a 10 minute session of running around, hugging everybody and saying silly things like "God loves you and so do I." It's all I can do to keep from saying, "I suppose God loves you but I don't even know you." Staying in my pew and shaking hands with those near me is about all I can handle.

Religious People

2009-12-09T04:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, so some religious people are dangerous. Most of US are goofy but harmless.

Churches are getting Goofier

2009-12-06T04:31:00.000-08:00

I have quit going to church. I am old. Church is for the young. I just stay home and think holy thoughts, mostly.

Still more Truth about Jesus

2009-11-19T13:58:00.000-08:00

Bishop Spong says Jesus was a radical feminist.

Other blogs

2009-11-10T05:30:00.000-08:00

My other ones, not much better than this one, but different:
Canary Feathers
Farting Around

The TRUTH about Jesus !!

2009-11-08T04:37:00.000-08:00

The local Unitarians have proclaimed, in their latest sermon title, that
"Jesus was a Unitarian-Universalist." Now you know.

Reforming the church

2009-10-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

Bishop Spong has already answered why he still wants to be a Christian although the church teaches a lot of stuff he doesn't believe. He doesn't want to leave the church, he wants to fix what's wrong with it. Will he go down in history as another Martin Luther? Not likely.

Is Spong Wrong?

2009-10-19T03:48:00.000-07:00

Bishop Spong confuses me. He'll say something that feels pretty good to me, reminds me of the Liberal Methodist thinking I was raised on. Then he goes off the deep end with his crusade to get rid of everything traditional because it's archaic theology or not intellectually or historically viable.He wants to throw out the Baby Jesus with the bathwater. Dammit, John ... Why don't you heed the suggestion of your critics and just become a Unitarian?

Mad at church ... religious rancor

2009-10-02T03:49:00.000-07:00

Everybody seems mad at some church that done 'em wrong. Over on Facebook I read, "I survived Catholic School and it made me agnostic." One of my special friends is a 91 year old former clergyman who now wants nothing to do with with any church. How did I escape all this religious rancor? The church never did bad stuff to me, didn't teach me that God is an old man in the sky and Iwas going to hell if I didn't get saved or join the right church.I'm not defending. Just puzzled. Heaven knows some churches and their people do awful things. I guess I just got lucky being born a Liberal Methodist.

Church haters?

2009-09-28T04:31:00.000-07:00

Ain't no place for me in a church that calls itself church for people that hate church.

When you die.

2009-08-09T07:50:00.001-07:00

What happens when you die? I don't know. I don't think anybody else does, either. The funny thing is, it doesn't bother me at all that I don't know. I can't relate to those who can't stand not knowing. Does that make me an agnostic? I hope not.

Global Church not for me

2009-06-17T03:24:00.000-07:00

A friend says she likes her new church because the minister is "globally aware." I listened to one of his sermons online. With something close to evangelistic fervor, it was all about saving the environment.

Thank God I didn't enter the ministry

2009-05-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

From time to time I'll ruminate and cogitate about why it might have been a terrible mistake if I had listened to clergy who said I should join the club. These thoughts are not in order of importance, but simply as they come to mind.
Number 1: I might have been a pretty good preacher but a lousy pastor, poor at ministering to the congregation's needs. It takes a lot of genuine, unconditional love of people to be a good shepherd to a flock of church goers. I don't have it. That job would put me in the nut ward.

"Thank God for Jesus"

2009-05-27T07:25:00.000-07:00

Those words were spoken by the friendly greeter who welcomed me to the local Meijer store. I was not quick enough to come up with a response beyond a simple thank you, but I now have one for the next time I see him. "And thank God for a country where you are free to say that." I hope some professional liberal, demanding equal time for other world religions, does not complain to Meijer management. The company was founded by Hendrik Meijer, a name about as Dutch as you can get. Such complaints might not get far here in very Dutch West Michigan, home of the Reformed and Christian Reformed Churches, Hope College and Calvin College. I would use the same response if the greeter thanked God for Buddha or Allah. Thank God for the freedom to say it. Does that make me a professional liberal?

Religious as Hell

2009-02-21T06:04:00.000-08:00

I have not joined the "spiritual but not religious" group. I am as religious as hell and not about to apologize for it. I do not believe organized religion is the root of all evil and the cause of everything bad that has happened in the world.

Prayin' and Preachin'

2009-01-21T04:08:00.000-08:00

Prayin' and Preachin'
Too many preachers don't know the difference between prayin' and preachin'. I guess it's normal for a preacher not to be able to to keep from sermonizing when he gets a chance.

Crisis of Faith

2008-11-21T05:17:00.000-08:00

It just hit me that here I am, within 5 or 10 years of the end of life and I have yet to experience a good old crisis of faith. Oh, my religious/spiritual notions have changed over the years. I now laugh at some of the things I thought I believed or thought I should believe. But there was no drama. No big crisis. I made just one denominational change and that was no big, family busting thing. Not like I quit Christianity and became a Hindu or something. I wonder if I should put a crisis of faith on my to-do list. Maybe that would put some sparkle and pizzaz in my otherwise dull life.

Crazy For God

2008-11-16T05:28:00.000-08:00

Just finished reading Frank Schaeffer's book. Fascinating. It would be interesting to get a local discussion group going. I'm not sure I want to get into an online group. There's something about the anonymity of the internet that makes people write things they would never dare say in person. I suppose those who believe all conservative Christians are dangerous nutcases love the book, while Schaffer's former evangelical associates believe the devil has got hold of him. I accept neither of those positions.

Funeral Styles

2008-10-26T07:20:00.001-07:00

I attended a traditional funeral yesterday. .. hymns, prayers, bible readings, a nice eulogy, the whole thing. I liked it. Some of the contemporary memorial services where they play the deceased's favorite music can be prettty uncomfortable to those who don't share an interest in that music. If I wanted to hear ear-busting rock or twangin' country I'd go to a concert, thank you. Maybe they have all kinds of music in heaven and the dear departed is already listening to his or her favorite. So don't subject me to it down here.

Father Groeschel's fan club

2008-10-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know if the Franciscan Friar who shows up Sunday Nights on the EWTN Catholic channel actually has a fan club. Probably not. If he does, I want to join up. He is my kind of practicing Christian. He gets mail and contributions from Protestants, Atheists and even a Jehovah's Witness or two. If it matters, I'm not Catholic and I have no plans to go that way. There's just something grand and loveable about the good Father. He's pretty smart, too.

How inter is your faith?

2008-10-17T06:12:00.000-07:00

I was way into the ecumenical movement when that was the hot (or was it cool) thing. The cool thing these days is to declare yourself spiritual but not religious and move from Christianity to one of the Eastern Religions. I'm too old to get excited about today's interfaith movement. My only contribution is eating Hebrew National Hotdogs.

This old Blog

2008-10-17T05:17:00.000-07:00

Most of these posts are from a silly old blog that nobody reads. I could not figure out how to import the whole thing from its old location, so I'm copying some of the less boring (?) posts over here so it will show up on my profile. Enjoy, get irritated or pray that I might see the light as you see it. Whatever.

Patsy Cline, Bettie Page

2008-10-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

Patsy and Bettie?? Now there's as unlikely a combination as you will find. Let me explain.I think I'm in love with Patsy and I have the notorious Bettie Page, legendary pin-up girl to thank for it. I always liked Patsy's "I fall to pieces, " "Crazy" and some other songs but never paid a whole lot of attention her music. Then her most unusual treatment of the old gospel song, "Life's Railway to Heaven" showed up on the soundtrack of the Bettie Page film. I didn't recognize the voice but I had to know who that was. So I ran through the credits at the end again, and there it was. Patsy Cline. That song took me back to my Methodist Sunday School days. Usually sung quite fast in country gospel style, Patsy did it slow, plaintive, almost ballad-like with a backup vocal group making chugging train sounds.Gives me major goosebumps. Turns out that the Grand Canyon Railroad used her recording on their commercial. Thanks for the memory and the music, Patsy. And thanks to Bodacious Bettie.

Rick Warren, Billy Graham

2008-10-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

It's reported that when Billy Graham was asked about Rick Warren, founding father of the purpose driven movement. pastor of Saddleback mega-church that hosted the presidential debate, he said "Who?" I hope it's true. I suspect that there are some contemoporary clergy who would answer that way if somebody asked them about Jesus.

Denny Crane and "The Secret"

2008-10-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

Boston Legal, the wonderfully quirky TV show, did a grand send-up of "The Secret," the latest positive thinking, magnetic power of your mind book and movie that's being shown in many churches. Goofy Lawyer Denny Crane tries to conjure up a visit from Raquel Welch but his vibrations don't work quite right and Phyllis Diller shows up. The so- called secret law of attraction gets discovered anew every ten years or so and makes a ton of money for its promoters. Too bad it has become a religion.

Church Musicians

2008-10-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

Church musicians and clergy are notoriously at odds. Ever it shall be. I'm not crazy about the buzzword "agenda" but maybe it works here. Clergy are where they are to lead a team. They need their music-makers to be on their team. But the musicians are there to play or sing. Music is their passion. They couldn't care less what church they do it in. Because of my interest in pipe organs, I joined an online group. It turned out to be full of church organists griping about the dumb-ass ministers and priests they worked for. If you want the other side, ask a clergyman about the musicians he has fired because they insisted on doing it their own way and had no interest in team play

Nice Muslim Folks

2008-10-16T12:48:00.001-07:00

Alright ... for the sake of argument, or to avoid one, let's agree with the interfaith people that the majority of Muslims are nice, peace loving folks who are not interested in wiping out infidel Christians. Should we not then be just as charitable toward Christianity and its nutcase minority?

Great Radio Preachers

2008-10-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'm putting together a talk about early 20th century preachers who made brilliant use of the new radio medium. From the infamous rabble rouser demagogue, Father Coughlin to the first great female evangelist, Aimee Semple McPherson. (She was the first woman ever to own a radio station) There's so much fascinating stuff about those two bigger than life characters that I might have to short change Harry Emerson Fosdick, Ralph W. Sockman, Fulton Sheen and some others with just a brief mention.

Unterfaithism Gone Mad

2008-10-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

What's next for the local interfaith movement ... a Christian/Scientology dialogue?

Prots still hell- bound, Scott Hahn?

2008-10-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

Good old Scott Hahn is in my town this weekend. You remember Scott, don't you? The militant Protestant preacher who is now a militantly Catholic teacher. Wrote a book, "Rome Sweet Rome." Said "All Prots go to hell." Wish I had the guts to ask him if he still believes it ... or if he did when he said it shortly after his conversion. He did admit that he likes to shock people. You can catch him on EWTN TV.